I’m passionate about connecting economically disadvantaged prospective students with career pathways in two-year colleges that can provide them with a living wage to support themselves and their families. It hurts my heart that employers are desperate for students in fields like diesel mechanics, yet many of these programs are under-enrolled and struggle to fill seats.
The #1 way that a potential student learns about a program is via their landing page. Copy matters.
Let's test your copywriting instincts!
Here’s a description of a diesel program’s education and job placement information from an actual college website (they will remain unnamed; I happen to know they have low enrollment):
What can I do with a degree in Diesel Mechanics?
The Diesel Mechanics program in heavy duty truck and diesel mechanics will prepare you to enter the job market as a beginning mechanic or apprentice in this field, and to continue your education toward the Baccalaureate degree in advanced schools of technology or as a teacher in this field of specialization, or to broaden your skills in various areas of management.
What you will learn:
Through lecture and hands-on lab courses, you will learn the skills required to troubleshoot and repair mechanical, electrical and electronic systems in diesel engines and trucks. You will learn to use computers to diagnose equipment and research information. You will be trained to operate shop machinery and equipment as well as select and use precision tools involved in the repair and maintenance of mechanical and electronic systems.
Troubleshoot and perform repairs in mechanical, electrical, and electronic systems.
Use computers to diagnose equipment and research information.
Perform preventative truck maintenance
Operate shop machinery and equipment and precision tools
Maintain a professional attitude in challenging working conditions.
Your challenge: Edit this copy to make it more persuasive and conversion-friendly. What would you change?
Once you’ve made your edits, scroll down to see my version and why I made those edits.
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How I’d Edit This Copy (Did You Catch These Shortcomings)?
Original CTE landing page Copy: What can I do with a degree in Diesel Mechanics?
The Diesel Mechanics program in heavy duty truck and diesel mechanics will prepare you to enter the job market as a beginning mechanic or apprentice in this field, and to continue your education toward the Baccalaureate degree in advanced schools of technology or as a teacher in this field of specialization, or to broaden your skills in various areas of management.
What you will learn:
Through lecture and hands-on lab courses, you will learn the skills required to troubleshoot and repair mechanical, electrical and electronic systems in diesel engines and trucks. You will learn to use computers to diagnose equipment and research information. You will be trained to operate shop machinery and equipment as well as select and use precision tools involved in the repair and maintenance of mechanical and electronic systems.
Troubleshoot and perform repairs in mechanical, electrical, and electronic systems.
Use computers to diagnose equipment and research information.
Perform preventative truck maintenance
Operate shop machinery and equipment and precision tools
Maintain a professional attitude in challenging working conditions.
Edited Version:
95% of graduates with a Diesel Technology Degree go on to work in positions with a starting pay of $16 to $24/hour. Master Technicians can make up to $100k+!
Employer demand is so high that current Wallace State Diesel Technology students are receiving job offers before they complete their degree.
Education programs range from four months to 2 years. Day, evening, and weekend classes available. The majority of classes have online options. Attend full or part-time. Scholarships and financial aid pay for most student's tuition. Money should not be a barrier to enrolling.
No diesel technology experience required.
Why These Changes?
National IWITTS developed this copy for Wallace State in collaboration with the college, and their enrollment greatly increased within a year.
More Direct and Engaging Lead-In – Instead of a generic opening, I immediately place the reader in the experience, focusing on the ultimate result: "95% of graduates…" This makes the copy more immersive.
Clearer Benefits Over Features – The original copy lists features without making them compelling. I restructured the copy to emphasize what the Diesel program will do for the students (starting pay of $16 to $24/hour) rather than just describing what students will study.
Everyone is Welcome – The phrase “No diesel technology experience required” sends the clear message everyone is qualified to enroll in the course. This makes the copy more engaging to prospective students who otherwise might think they won’t have enough mechanical experience to be successful in the program.
Do you need help writing copy that converts?
Do you need help writing copy that will attract students to attend your program? The first step is often gathering outcome information about the program - frequently a charged, emotional task. I have facilitated this for dozens of schools using their available information and helping key stakeholders agree on what can be published.
We can create an entire outreach package for your school. These strategies have helped schools increase their overall enrollment. Talk with me about developing outreach materials for your school so you don’t have to do it all yourself.
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